girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
