Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
