There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
