well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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