This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
