3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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