Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
