My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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