Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You've changed since you got that strap on
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
