remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's never too late to be topless.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
