Only a mothe r could love this liver
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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