is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
