I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
