So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
