I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
