Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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