You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
