I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
