how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have feelings that need drinking.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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