Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
