i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
