I wish I could teleport
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
