I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
