Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
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My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize