i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
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Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching