And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.