I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
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Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house