Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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