oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to