Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
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It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.