I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
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