If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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