Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
