cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
