can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
