so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
