he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
