the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
