I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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