Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...