You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.