you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.