I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
