I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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