so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
