So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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