bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
