Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
