They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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