His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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