I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
