Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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