Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
