i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I love having hate sex.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
