these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
