i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize