She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
