Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
