she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
