He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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