worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
