garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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