real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
