Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
