The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
