Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
