Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize