last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize