My friends, they love my intelligence
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
